I guess I should have begun with the question of what a good marriage looks like to you? Is a good marriage one that allows you to do things how you want them done? Is a good marriage one that has your spouse serving you like your second-class citizen in your house? Is a good marriage one that makes you wake up in the morning singing like a Disney movie? Is there no such thing as a good marriage?
What I want to argue first is that we must get our idea of a good marriage from the Bible. Not just from the Bible in an instructional sense (i.e. Paul says that husbands should love their wives therefore husbands should love their wives) but in an exemplary sense as well (i.e. Jesus’ love for his bride is how we should love our spouse). We do not simply take the steps, but we fully take on the character.
In Ephesians 5, Paul is not using Jesus and the Church as an analogy for marriage. Instead, he is showing that marriage between a man and a woman is the analogy for Jesus and the Church. Having this understanding is as fundamental as putting a horse at the front of the cart. Jesus and the Church is the reality and your marriage is the image, the reflection.
Knowing Jesus is the reality and we are the image makes the instructions much easier for me to handle. When we make the mistake in thinking that the relationship between Jesus and the Church and the relationship between a husband and a wife are equal we try to qualify the tough sayings. This is not good.
To begin to understand the relationship between Jesus and The Church you must be a part of that relationship. A man will have no clue how to love his wife if he has not first been loved as the bride of his Savior. A woman will have no understanding of respecting her husband until she has grown to respect her Savior who nourishes and cherishes her.
Again, let me reiterate what I said Sunday: I am just a newborn when it comes to marriage (and therefore probably shouldn’t even be speaking about it), so I have barely scratched the surface of what it will look like for me to love my wife as Christ has loved his bride. But, if I am to answer my own question (what does a good marriage look like?), I would have say it looks like my wife growing in grace and beauty because of the love and nourishment that I have given her. It is my wife finding joy and ease in her respect for me because Jesus has enabled me to give up myself for her.
Well, with that as my goal I better stop typing and start praying…
Because of Jesus,
Michael
